I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How's work?
Spinning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
