Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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