god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
