you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize