I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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