He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
