am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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