My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
