I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize