What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
