how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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