Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
