I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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