Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
