i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
