I looked at my own cervix.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
