hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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