you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Swine flu is the new snow day.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
