I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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