i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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