never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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