i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
