Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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