Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize