Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
