The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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