so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
