My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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