history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
