for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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