i would punch a child for taco bell
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
