I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
