We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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