What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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