Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
