Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i came on her dog
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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