Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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