I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
