She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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