I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
