guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
