Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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