I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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