Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
