I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
