turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
