I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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