So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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