This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There r osticjed everywhere
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
