I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
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Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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