She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
