dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
