I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
