I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Never joke about your clitoris.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
