you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
