i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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