'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
