He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
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I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
did i just pee glitter
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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