Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
